The following is taken from a Domain blogger by the name of Carolyn Boyd.
Flatmates in Love: Right or Wrong?
When I was house-sharing there was a bit of a saying, which I’m sure is still kicking around. It had something to do with what you shouldn’t do with the crew. It was probably sage advice – after all, love gone wrong can be messy, and love gone awry with someone you live with can be downright dirty in all the wrong ways.
However, more than half of all Australians have found love not just close to home but with a flatmate. Yes, if you’re still looking, Romeo or Juliette could be living just up the hallway, according to more than 4000 Domain.com.au readers who answered a poll on whether they had ever struck up a little something with a flatmate.
From whirlwind romance to those who met their husband or wife-to-be, it seems that for many people housemates have more benefits than just reducing the rent.
Often you flat share when you are young and on the lookout for love, in all its forms. And given that we often choose to live with people of a similar age and with those who have similar interests, it makes sense that relationships blossom among flatmates as frequently and readily as these results suggest.
But for almost as many people who say they’ve had a dalliance with someone they’ve shared a place with, nearly as many (48 per cent) say they’d never go there because “flatmates should be friends and nothing more”. The potential complications are unwelcome and just too risky.
Here are the full survey results: Have you ever fallen in love with a flatmate?
14% - Once upon a time I used to call my husband / wife my flatmate.
19% - Yes, we dated for a while: We found each other attractive and had similar interests but in the end we just weren't meant to be.
19% - Yes, it was love for one week: It fizzled out almost as quickly as it started.
48% - No, absolutely not! Flatmates should be friends and nothing more.
Love, lust or otherwise isn’t usually a rational decision but nevertheless you could try to look at it that way. If you did, one bonus that would emerge is that you know your flatmate’s habits back-to-front, assuming you’ve been living together for a while. Possibly better than finding one year in that they have crazy annoying habits that you just can't live with.
The fairly obvious downside to hooking up with a flatmate is that the whole thing could end in tears and ruin a perfectly good friendship. And if it all falls apart, someone will probably need to find a new place to live because let’s face it, it can be easy to go from flatmates to lovers, but the road back is treacherous. Yes, you can just return to your own rooms, but you’ve still got to share the house or apartment and it could make life uncomfortable for all around – especially if a new love then comes into the picture.
Psychologist Sally-Anne McCormack says getting romantic with a flatmate can take you into murky territory, especially if it doesn’t work out.
While one person may move on easily, the other may have had more invested in the relationship, and could have trouble getting over it.
“Even if it was only a minor fling with each other, you actually, in your face, see them bringing new partners home, chasing other people or going out or seeming to enjoy life, even if it’s not going out with someone else,” McCormack says.
Her advice is to avoid romantic liaisons with flatmates where possible – and if you do go there, set some ground rules early on and think about how you will handle things if it all fizzles out. McCormack recommends going as far as putting things in writing in a contract form – a sort of flatmates pre-nup – because given you are living together, there are legal and financial implications that could arise.
